Do you ever have that feeling like you can’t catch up to your thoughts? Like they keep running ahead of you and you can’t get them to stop long enough to let your rational thoughts catch up? You can’t get them to stop long enough to sort them, or counter-think them. Yah. That feeling. I was talking to someone about that the other day and they had no idea what I was talking about. So maybe it’s another anxiety trait.

One of the hardest and exhausting things about anxiety is that you are constantly fighting it. In a million different ways. It’s as though you seek it out and fight it off, all at the same time. You probably have spent most of your life pushing it down, ignoring it, finding ways around it. Stressing about how not to stress about it. “Just think positive” doesn’t work because you will then be anxious about not thinking positively. Yes, getting rid of anxiety has everything to do with your thoughts. But have you ever LET your anxiety pass through? Instead of run from it, beat it down, or eat it/smoke it/drink it away? It’s more scared of you than you are of it. Once you stop being afraid of it, it’s a lot easier to send off. Let it have a voice. Let it say it’s piece. Then tell yourself the truth and anxiety no longer needs to stick around.

For those of you who want to understand it better for someone you love or know, this type of anxiety is that state of fear right before you fight or flee (like when you almost get into a car accident or a close call). That stomach -flipping, panicky, nauseous, am-I-gonna-die feeling right before you act. But with anxiety sufferers, there is no action to be taken. You just sit in that state with no physical release.

I have learned to let it pass. Let that stomach ache flutter in and then flutter away. Look at what I’m thinking that has brought it up. Then acknowledge it. Not stuff it down with fairy-dust thoughts. But look at it. Why am I afraid? Am I afraid to be angry? What am I going to lose if this really happens? If it’s very persistent, I know it’s time to go back in time and see what is being triggered. That tough place where the work really does pay off, even if it’s scary.

I have learned over the years that as much as we don’t like it to be true, we react based mostly on childhood events. The first time something ever happened to us. As children, you can’t reason it away. Your world revolves around you so anything that happens to you is because of you, or so you believe. You don’t know or even understand that your parents are miserable, or addicts, or angry, or fearful. All you know is bad things are happening and it must be you. If you didn’t have parents or others to explain to you that it’s not you, you take all that on as your own. That’s a big deal. That’s too much.

The brain is not stupid. It knows how to protect you as a child. It also knows when it’s time to deal with what it protected you from. Sorry, those things don’t disappear. They just wait until it is time to deal with them. Unlearning the very deeply etched pathways and shortcuts in our brain is a challenge. It’s not a switch. It’s hard work, it’s looking the “beast” (much bigger in perception than real life) in the face, it’s acknowledging the truth, it’s weeping, snot-running, heaving, breath-taking emotions. Then relief (after a few days or more of feeling very exposed and vulnerable, like a walking open wound). It’s worth the work.

We are so afraid of our feelings. I had to learn the phrase and repeat often, “Emotions won’t kill me.” They feel like they will. They won’t. Remember that.

So, next time, try not to be afraid of the anxiety. Let it come up and tell you something. See if that helps.