By Dr. Dolores L. Fazzino, DNP, Nurse Practitioner, Life-Style and Wellness Coach

What is Self-love? Self-love is defined as regard for one’s state of being comfortable, healthy and contented within one’s self. It is a combination of happiness and well-being that radiates from a place inside ourselves and not determined by external influences.

Self-care is the Ultimate Self-love. One relies on the other to create a balance within oneself. It is a dance of the infinity sign with one pole labeled Self-Care and the other Self-Love. As we know an infinity sign is constantly in motion flowing between the poles of Self-Care and Self-love. Learn more about this May 15-20, 2019 in Mt Shasta, CA for the Five Pillars of Extreme Self-Care Retreat.

Here are 10 tips of Self-Love to create lasting happiness

• Acceptance How many times are we in situations or circumstances that we just wonder “how did I get there” or “How did this happen to me”? Our natural tendency is to want to not be where we currently are, reaching to someplace in a future time, or reliving the past. This prevents us from being in the present moment, which is all there is. A helpful tip is to accept where you are. Yes, even though it is not where you may want to be. By accepting where you are you are creating a foundational piece to build something solid upon.

• Appreciate where you are and what you have experienced. The feeling of appreciation energetically vibrates at the same level of the frequency or vibration of Love. In the law of attraction, when you appreciate what you are experiencing, you are attracting more to be appreciative of in your life. The key is to focus on what you want to create, not what you do not have or do not want.

• Create Healthy Boundaries Do your often take on other people’s energy or problems and make them your own? Or do you tend to take on too much responsibility or over commit to doing more than what you are able to handle? Give yourself permission to say “No” or “Not Now” instead of “Yes” and feeling resentful after. I often say if it is not a “HELL YES” than do not do it!

• Allowance is not a monthly stipend you receive from doing your chores. Allowance creates the opportunity for us to receive and be in a receptive state. When we do not allow ourselves or give ourselves permission to receive, the balance of giving and receiving becomes lop-sided and the flow of our life becomes the same.

• Be More Do Less. The norm of today’s society is to be in constant motion. Always doing something or making something happen. It reminds me of pushing a boulder up a hill, exhausting! It is frowned up by others when we seem to be doing nothing. Yet counterintuitively, it is when we are being such as contemplating, relaxing, coloring, painting, even watering your garden, we are connecting to our inner knowingness, receiving inspiration and ideas. From this state of being, we go on to do what inspired us.

• Saying No without guilt or shame. Ever do something out of obligation when you really did not want to do it? Give yourself permission to say no and mean it without feeling guilty about it. If it is not a “Hell Yes” love yourself enough to set healthy boundaries for yourself by saying no, not this time.

• Forgiveness. I believe humans are harder on themselves than they are on others. As a healthcare provider, I have seen what holding onto grudges creates in the human body. It is not pretty…Cancers, chronic diseases, unhappiness. Forgiveness and Self-forgiveness are neutralizers offering a fresh chance to start again and renew ourselves. Holding onto grudges and old hurts raise havoc on the body, mind, and soul whether we are consciously or unconsciously aware of them.

• Self-talk Choose your words wisely, even those you say to yourself. What are you saying to yourself moment to moment? Words, our thoughts whether they are orally spoken or said to ourselves in silence, have power. The vibrational frequencies or energy of these words impact our physical bodies. The late Dr. Emoto demonstrates this by labeling water with words, such as Love, Hate, Fear, and Joy. When the labeled water was flash frozen different crystal formations would appear. The Water labeled with Love and Joy, showed beautiful unique crystals, whereas the water labeled with Hate and Fear showed damaged and non-crystal formations. Just a thought here…if your bodies are made up of at least 70% water, what are you labeling your body?

• Honor your feelings and trust your gut…it is always right. We have all had the experience that a little voice from within told you not to do something, and you ignored it, and did it anyway, and lived to regret it. Society has taught others and relies on people to make decisions in an intellectual and logical manner. Rarely are emotions involved. Emotions are meant to be experienced; it is part of allowing our souls to grow at the deepest and most profound levels. When something does not feel right, honor yourself and then don’t do it. This is an essential component for self-care. Trust your intuition even though others will or even our ego will try to talk you out of it.

• Alignment is when our life lines up for us. What we say to ourselves matches what we are creating and witnessing in our lives. It is walking your talk and leading by example. Shining your radiance and happiness from the inside out. When this happens life is harmonious, magical, and full of ease and grace.

Remember, Self-love is a journey and not a destination. Be kind to yourself, love yourself, and commit to yourself. You are loved more than you know, you are never alone, and the universe has your back!